Werepanthers for Charity
"The golf course needed someone to get rid of Canada Geese without violating, y'know, the Migratory Bird Act. And that requires skills that even you, Delores, have already admitted I have — getting in fights and pissing everywhere."
"Assaulting a goose hardly counts as a fight."
"It's a short fight."
The Indiana Department of Natural Resources has a helpful FAQ about dealing with Canada Geese, which can be pests but fall under the generous protection of the law. The DNR suggests harassing a nuisance goose with dogs or a leaf blower. They don't specifically mention werepanther urine as a deterrant, though I imagine it'd be effective. Whether werepanthers are legally entitled to eat geese is a question I leave to the courts.
In "House Cats", a pride of elderly female werepanthers have settled down in Indianapolis. They're respectable. They run a charity guild that gives tours of local mansions to raise money for kids with cancer. (Any resemblance to the charity guild one of my elderly relatives volunteers for — and which also gives annual tours of the governor's mansion — is purely coincidental.)
And then a young stoner werepanther turns up on their turf. A young male werepanther. And he won't leave quietly.
"House Cats" originally ran in issue #2 of Crowded Magazine. They're no longer around, but you can buy back issues. Don't forget your leafblower.